Jewish Christmas 2010: A Definite Victory

There are certain times of year where, as a Jew (and please forgive me for speaking on behalf of the entire Jewish community) we feel more like outsiders than other times, and Christmas just happens to be the pinnacle of this frustration. Over the years, as Christmas developed into a commercial success, Jews have found different ways to cope with this cultural isolation. For instance, we wrote Christmas songs, which topped the charts such as, "White Christmas" by Irving Berlin, who was originally Izzy Baline, and "Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow" by Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne. Once those catching jingles didn't seem to quite console us like we intended them to, we searched to create our very own festive winter celebration. Conveniently, Hanukkah, the festival of lights, just so happened to take place close to Christmas. Hanukkah was never a holiday of significance, in fact it's not even in the Torah, but luckily for us there was enough gimmicky traits to turn it into what we hoped would be the Jewish answer to Christmas. Alas, Hanukkah, despite all our exploited attempts fell short of the euphoric joy Christmas brings the gentiles. So what was a modern Jew to do? Well, Jewish Christmas of course!

The concept of Jewish Christmas is simple: Chinese delivery and a movie, either at the theaters or at home. Why? Because Chinese restaurants are the only places that will deliver on Christmas, and the movies are a great make-believe consolidation. We can pretend it's not Christmas, rather some other mundane day, which we all, regardless of our religious heritage can enjoy.

This year King Fu in West Los Angeles catered to our (me and my two other wandering Jewish friends) fickle Yiddish needs. When one orders Chinese food not much is expected, except the promise of greasy mysterious food, which will surely add to our high cholesterol and make our doctors "oy" and "vey" in protest. King Fu is speedy, fairly cheap, and surprisingly good in more than just a "I can feel the MSG pumping through my arteries" kind of way. We ordered, with the intention to share: the assorted appetizers, moo shu pork, due to the fact that we were feeling slightly more blasphemous than usual, eggplant with szechuan, which was a disappointment and not my choice, and finally moo goo gai pan, because we didn't know what it was.

Once our gastronomical desires were met, a few others joined us for the second portion of the evening: beer and watching Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Out of the six of us two were not Jews--a huge victory on behalf of Jewish Christmas. We had achieved, what we believed was impossible, the non-Jews actually wanting to attend our Jewish Christmas celebration, instead of the traditional one--it was truly a Christmas miracle. I think I can safely say that we as Jews are finally on to something a bit more fulfilling (pun intended) than kitschy tunes and spinning dreidels.

Happy Holidays!

Narcissistically yours,

D.